"Sometimes you have a moment of clarity about a woman--like when you find her indexed, 7-year collection of Brides magazines. Other times, the signals are harder to read. Here's help. 1. She Hand-Feeds Free-Range Chicken to Her Dog Stay or Go: Stay She may seem like a coddler, but dogs can lower stress and blood pressure, making her a healthier and more stable person. "Dogs make you more extroverted and outgoing," says Katherine C. Grier, Ph.D., author of Pets in America. Even if the dog fits in your pocket and has a name like Tinkerbell, playing puppy papa will improve your health, too. But when you walk it, remove the bow first. 2. She Can't Make a Decision Without Calling Her Parents, Best Friend, Therapist, and Psychic Stay or Go: Go Her insecurity means she tells everyone about the finer points of your relationship. "She doesn't know who she really is, so how can you know who you're really with?" asks Caroline Tiger, author of How to Behave: Dating and Sex. If she's constantly on her BlackBerry, make her put it away for a day. If she freaks, move on. 3. She "Wuvs" the "Cutie-Ooty" Baby Talk Stay or Go: Go "Hey, baby" isn't so bad, but the coochie-coo stuff, especially in bed, is just creepy. "She may be trying to avoid adult issues in the relationship, like problems or sex," says Tiger. It's also a mark of high maintenance. "She wants to be treated like a baby, like a precious princess plaything," Tiger says. She'll throw a tantrum when you drop her, but you'll feel good back in the adult world. 4. She Doesn't Know from A Bronx Tale Stay or Go: Stay Relax. So she doesn't lean over and unlock your car door. (You should have automatic locks anyway, Calogero). It's not her fault she didn't see this classic film. But a Scorcese knockoff about gangsters and racism isn't exactly leading the chick-flick queue. Just Netflix the movie and watch it together. She'll get the point. 5. She Overquotes Hegel and Other Dead White Guys You Should Have Read Stay or Go: Go Aside from the obvious fact that the know-it-all act is annoying, she's not comfortable in her own skin if she's cloaking herself in book smarts. Now, if she talked in movie quotes, that'd be different. Lock that one down--especially if they're lines from A Bronx Tale. Now yuze can't leave. 6. She's a Bohemian Who Hasn't Had a Steady Paycheck. Ever Stay or Go: Stay The arty vibe hooked you, and it's not a huge leap to help her turn that creativity into a career. Plenty of companies need creative minds. "Tell her she'll bring art into everyday life, not limit it to the occasional gallery visit," says Rachel C. Weingarten, author of Career and Corporate Cool."
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